i have never really checked out tchaikovsky (reading on wiki about him), which songs do you find you listen to the most?
I just don’t understand it, as I have never really met someone who creates music to sort of pick their brain, or better yet just hang around them to see how they tick. I am like my dad very analytical so you can get that well creativity gets thrown out the window fast. So even if I do start to get creative, the analytical thing starts creeping in quickly so we will begin the pattern embellishment thing way to quickly. Then the critical part comes in why did I do that note, or that is silly it doesn’t make sense to play this note, or why am I doing this rhythm. Do i even know the notes? I hear nothing inside. Is music even my calling? haha this is the story of my brain. Sure I could free hand a drawing, maybe even come up with something as a one off of some other thing or creation someone else did, maybe rearrange this viola! haha just kidding. But to just spawn something out of thin air I ain’t got it. And it feels like it stems from maybe not being playful enough with the notes of a tetrachord/arpeggio from within. And here is that thinking that I need to be in some soundscape first to even start the melody which is already setting off a bad path possibly… But this is why I said maybe I should seek outside help from a phsyciatrist so we might get to the roots of my feelings so i know how to even express them but i might not like the outcome cause it might not be music. haha these are my musings
maybe the key is to just meditate on a bass synth drone note or tanpura, and just see (well not see cause its music so listen would be best put in this sentence ) if i can let something manifest on its own? cause as long as the note has all the overtones present i won’t be tempted to stay in major, minor, or phrygian