Hey @Thrav! Great tremolo and that’s a pretty good Castle Dragon take already!
But I agree with @qwertygitarr that in some passages you may be picking more notes than you are fretting. This may be because your picking hand “prefers” one type of string change versus the other. If you are indeed a primary “downstroke escape” (DSX) player, then you might find that your hand tries to always a downstroke.
As an experiment, could you try something like this simple DSX pattern (starting with down):
--------------------5-6-7-5-6-7-etc.-----------------------------------------------------------------
--------5-6-7-5-6-7------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-5-6-7----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then also something USX like this (starting with down):
-------------------------5-6-7-5-6-7-etc.-----------------------------------------------------------------
-------------5-6-7-5-6-7------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-5-6-7-5-6-7-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and see which one is easiest / sounds more synchronised?
Also:
Don’t worry too much about “controlling” the left hand fingers. The idea that fretting fingers have to move as little as possible is largely a myth. The only things that count are the sonic result and your physical comfort.