Chance for relation at an age where peers already have children

Time in which most people make acquaintances it’s between the ages of 20 and 30.
Studies,schools and works.
In this period of time I had to deal with anxiety neurosis and social phobia,and I could not take care of the relationship with the surroundings.
Now that I feel a bit better because of medicines,I feel that I’m late.
Side effects of drugs cause me depression, apathy, my libido practically does not exist.
I feel more and more doubt,lack of energy and will to fight,I do not like the condition in which I am
but at the same time I do little to change it,because I’m giving up.

Today I thought about what would happen if I could become a woman and met myself.
I looked at myself through the eyes of a woman and…it was horrible :slight_smile:

I wonder if there is any chance for me, whether it is possible for someone like me to be loved and give joy to being present in one’s life :slight_smile:

I do not think so but maybe someone has a different opinion and he can convince me :smiley:

I certainly hope so and wish you best of luck! :metal:

For what it’s worth, I found that the best way to meet new people when you are over 30 is through extra-work activities (music, sport, boardgames etc.!). It’s perhaps not as easy as in high school/university, but still doable :+1:


Meeting people is tricky but the best way to do it is to attend events involving your hobbies. You’re into metal, do you go out to metal concerts or local gigs in your area? Most of my friends came from that circle.

As far as self-image and self esteem goes, I think it’s best to keep things simple: Diet and exercise. Research a bit about nutrition. Pick one or two recipes, buy the ingredients and cook something. Eat less sugar. Take vitamin D. Start going outside for walks every morning/day/night, whenever you prefer. Maybe bang out a handful of pushups or squats. DO NOT buy four vegan cookbooks and two weeks worth of groceries, a gym membership and a 200lb set of weights all at once. Diet and exercise is about building habits and you don’t want to overwhelm yourself.

This is the article that got me thinking more seriously about my nutrition and eating habits. Opinions on Crossfit aside, I think it’s full of solid info that anyone can use.


I hope you find some happiness and that this dark time you’re experiencing passes quickly.

I’m not an expert, but I did have issues with depression in my teens and again in my mid-twenties.

You mentioned that you imagined meeting yourself, and that you didn’t like how you think other people see you. Some people would try to comfort you by telling yourself that you’re perfect just as you are, and that you’ll meet people who will like you for who you are.

I’m more realistic. If you want to be different, be different. Better yourself by setting yourself small goals and you will become more confident in yourself. You won’t have to motivation for a large goal. There’s something you could do that would better you that you feel is so small that it’s not worth doing, but it will be. Maybe start by making your bed in the morning. It’s quick and easy, and you’ll have accomplished something, even if it’s small.

A small sense of accomplishment will help motivate you in your next small goal. Accomplishing that goal will motivate you to your next goal. Soon, that feeling of accomplishment will build your confidence in yourself.

The key is to start small. Aim up, but aim for something low enough that you know you can achieve it. Don’t compare yourself to others when trying to better yourself. Compare yourself to how you were previously. Then, even small improvements will feel like real growth.

As part of bettering yourself, try taking up some new activities, preferably in a group environment so you meet new people. Maybe join a dance class, or a cooking class, or a martial arts club.

You probably won’t start a relationship right away. When you don’t like yourself, people will recognise it. Your lack of confidence in your self is signalling to others that you’re not worth their time. You’re going to change this by building your confidence in yourself. Focus on that for now. When you know that you’re worth somebody else’s time, attention and love, you’ll find that somebody.

I know you can do all of this, even if you don’t yet. Just find something you know you can do now, no matter how small that might be.

And don’t worry about being late. I know lots of people who didn’t meet their partners until later in life, or who didn’t have children until later in life. There’s plenty of time for you to get the things you want for yourself.