Thanks for giving this another shot. This is pretty good. I think the upper half of your pickstroke is still bigger than the lower half, so the motion is still a little biased to the “upstroke escape” side of things. So a touch flatter might be the trick here.
But in general, I wouldn’t practice this as a motion on a single string and looking at it to see if it’s right. Instead, I’d try to play whole phrases or tunes that require it. This way you can judge by feel and sound, which is the more natural / musical way to get this. Basically you’re playing the phrase or song, and if it feels smooth and non-tensiony and you can do it reasonably quickly, that’s a good sign that the motion is not stringhopping. If you can hear all the notes, and you don’t feel or hear interference from surrounding strings, then that’s a good sign that you’re doing the escapes.
If the accuracy isn’t totally there and you find that you sometimes but not always hit wrong notes or strings, that’s fine at first. You might still be doing the motion / escape, but just aiming wrong. Which is a good problem to have. That’s what you can work out over the long tail as you try different phrases and tunes and memorize all the different picking patterns you’re likely to encounter.
So I’d say find a piece of music you want to use on this and see how that feels / sounds. Presumably there is something you want to play that is leading you to experiment with this, so go straight to a handful of examples of that music and use those for your experimentation. You’re pretty close here so I think the “basket of tunes” approach should get you the final way there pretty quickly.