Thanks for putting these up, and thanks to @Frylock’s detailed commentary here - everything he mentions is on point. Short answer: you need more work burning in the linear single-string speed movement in order for things to feel more fluid and natural. I would avoid the multiple-string pentatonic type stuff for now, or at least prioritize the picking motion practice.
The good news is that the boat you are in is the boat a lot of players are in - ditching your stringhopping movement for a more linear pickslanting movement. The reason we don’t have more material about this in the Primer is because years ago when we started doing this stuff, I assumed that everyone was like me, and already had that part down. Turns out, no, simply moving the pick on a single string is a big challenge and worth addressing. So we’re really going backwards here, adding in all the fundamentals after solving some of the intermediate / advanced challenges.
I started with the Yngwie-style patterns on a single string, single position. Then went to single-string, multiple positions. Then discovered pickslanting and realized I was already doing it. So I was able to move them across the strings pretty much instantly. Then discovered that all the EJ / Zakk licks worked the same way and started working on pentatonics, which came together very quickly.
So that’s the sequence. It’s a little robotic. But if you like metal, playing these fast six-note patterns, even on a single string, can still sound pretty cool. This is the positions version:
And if you get bored, you can always make up cool patterns. The old Yngwie favorite is this one:
For the time being if you’re using the rest stroke technique, I would do these on the B string so you have something to rest against. Once that becomes second nature, you can do them on other strings.
I would also recommend using some edge picking:
Your edge looks pretty flat and that can make sliding over the strings a little less smooth. Even a small amount will make a difference, and the tonal effects once you crank up the gain are generally desirable - most high gain players use some amount of edge picking to take some of the ice pick off the treble.