Let go, let flow.
Cheesy easy lol
I’m sorry for your difficulties in recent years.
The sooner you begin to enjoy guitar—and other pleasures—again, the better! So, pick up a guitar while you (say) watch TV and goof around (have fun); the longest journey starts with a single step, after all…
Well since all that happened almost three months ago, things kinda took a turn for the worse, and I haven’t even had time to dwell on any of the original stuff that was holding me back. It has all now bumped down many tiers to become the least of my concerns.
It’s a loooong story, but essentially not long after that recent bout of personal hardships, something that was supposed to become a positive life changing event - something I waited nearly a decade for and requiring that I put what were supposed to be the best years of my life on hold to accommodate - a shining light from all the recent inner turmoil if you will - turned into a real life rendition of Needful Things. That lack of motivation I spoke of has now become something that is no longer my choice.
if you rely on a vehicle to go anywhere, and you live in a big city go get it kill switched and add a gps tracker. the gps tracker isnt guaranteed they can drive it into a parking garage to dampen the signal so they can then remove it. dont get blind sided like i did. my vehicle was stolen, only had liability, and that was that, i am on a really dark bad path at the moment nothing illegal i have just given up, since society gave up on being kind to one another. but i hope things look better, but i doubt it. for me guitar is the only thing helping me cling onto some glimmer of happiness from this world, otherwise it looks rather bleek to me.
I hope you find a way out of the darkness, sending you best wishes from the UK, where things are dark and gloomy and cold too, it’s -3 degrees C tonight and I don’t have central heating in my house.
You gotta keep telling yourself that it’s better to live than die, life is amazing, and it’s your life, you make the choices. Pick up that guitar and make some noise bro, it makes me feel better for at least a moment when I’m feeling down.
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I don’t know how you are feeling, but lately I like to listen to this guy read psalms. He calms my anxiety, stress getting pretty crazy these days over on my end sometimes.
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It’s no longer feeling down, it’s almost chemically induced physical incapacitation now, and not by choice. It’s a very convoluted situation - But not long after all that stuff happened in late September early October, when I posted initially, I ended up getting a call I had been waiting 8 years for.
Now some background. I spent most of my 30’s in kidney failure. It prevented me from doing a lot - mostly the things you’re supposed to do during that phase of life, mostly establishing a wanted career, family, couldn’t do bands, etc. I basically had to stay put both in a job I couldn’t stand for the benefits, and at the same time be tethered to the medical establishment. Right after all that stuff happened in late September/October, I received the call, and went in for the transplant I had been in queue for, for the past 8 years. Well it didn’t quite go the way everyone, especially me, had hoped. It was a pretty rough landing. I didn’t really have the best reaction to the cocktail of immunosuppressants I have to take, and the graft isn’t working well, so I’m still in limbo. The good news: I was and am so inundated with this new crisis that everything else from September seems like water under the bridge. The bad news: I feel like I’m on chemo, and can barely bring myself to do anything I used to like to do and just feel like I can’t catch a break lately.
The above perspective seems very understandable, and my hopes and prayers are with you to turn the corner and have steady improvement. But I was wondering about your guitar: might it serve a role to heighten “mindfulness?” By this, I mean trying to stay in the moment and avoid any thinking about the past or future, a key tenant of meditation, apparently. “Being in the moment” (= now) and not the past/future is valuable, and relaxing. Indeed, I forgot the source, but I believe that “living in the past brings sadness and living in the future brings anxiety.” Now, it’s not easy to be mindful, but it’s something interesting to experiment with vs. constantly thinking “too much.” I believe my conscious mind is hyperactive and I greatly benefit by thinking less, although I’m not sure if that applies to you or not. Guitars have many purposes… Get well soon! 
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hopes and prayers for you as well @Fossegrim. Can’t really imagine what you are going through. Hoping you feel better soon
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Really sorry to hear about your state and hope for your recovery! I just wanted to say that I’m actually a fellow kidney failure patient and do live with dialysis every night. I have just had it for half a year so I can’t compare to your experience. But I too am afraid for how the transplant will turn out.
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Very sorry to hear of your difficulties. I hope things improve for you and you can get back to doing the things you enjoy!
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That’s terrible @Fossegrim, I hope you will start to feel better soon, what’s the future look like ? Do they expect you to get better as time goes on ? I hope so. That old saying “as long as you’ve got your health, everything else is unimportant” really is true, but you only realise it when your own health is at risk.
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Being fairly young, and on dialysis isn’t easy. It is mostly a huge time commitment, and a highly restrictive way of living. personally I had my fair share of difficulties with it.
Since you are so new to the game. If you ever need some pointers on anything, or want to know exactly what to expect from a transplant and what is involved let me know. Everybody’s experience is different, but having gone through it, I feel there are some things that your medical team doesn’t tell you about it.
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@Fossegrim, nothing new to say from me but I just wanted to echo the others and tell you how sorry I am to hear about all this. I really hope things start looking up for you.
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I’m not sure honestly. I hope so too. I think in my case, it’s a bit unique since the pending idea is that I am having bad reactions to the immunosuppressants I have to take. Both the graft and myself physically. I also had severe peripheral swelling that made my right hand and arm puff up like dough, which isn’t very conducive to playing either.
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I’m here with my virtual support too!
Hope things improve from now on, and hope you can go back soon to your killer playing if the desire / possibility comes back!
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Hey mate, just seeing if you are feeling any better ? Let us all know how things are going if you can. Best wishes.
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Actually, yeah! In a physical sense at least. Once I started to slowly ween off of the most offending immunosuppressant, in favor of a newer one that doesn’t have so many adverse side effects, things started to improve. It did take an unbelievable amount of self advocacy though, which was pretty annoying.
I did end up taking a break from playing like suggested, used it to repair some of my instruments and piece together new ones, but unfortunately that gave me too much time for introspection. I always knew I was unhappy, but because I was pretty much hamstrung the last 7 or so years there wasn’t really much I could do about it. Now there’s more a sense of urgency, so I’m plotting what I want to do with myself moving forward.
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Glad you are feeling better @Fossegrim I’ve also taken a recent long break from guitar playing, tho for different reasons, because I’ve switched my degree from music to graphic design. But what I have found is I can appreciate guitar in a different way from my over foucus on technique now, the break and shift in goals has really taken a lot of weight off my shoulders in terms of trying to be good physically on guitar, and I think this is probably a long time coming and necessary thing to happen, otherwise I’d never stop obsessing on it.
Have you found yourself relaxing a bit more? I know you’re quite an experienced and skillful player, must of taken a lot of stress to get as good as you are. Perhaps you’ve gone through this kind of thing on guitar before? For me it’s the fist time I’ve had a major break.
Not exactly. There’s always something. I think being thrown from a situation that for all intents and purposes was supposed to be hopeful and life changing to it becoming kind of grey and liminal, which was exactly where I was before, wasn’t too helpful in that regard.
Well I wouldn’t exactly say stressful. It took a while and was at times exhausting and frustrating for sure especially for what seemed like so little progress for extended periods of time, but In hindsight I enjoyed every frustrating minute of it and am still learning. The instrument is really just a part of who I am, and you don’t have to be the most amazing jaw dropping player for that to be true.
I have taken extended breaks before. Often because my attention was divided elsewhere or just life. I think I have always had way too many interests and hobbies. I think it is true though, and taking a long break is good every once in a while. When it’s time to pick that guitar back up again it will let you know. It will call to you in a way you won’t be able to ignore it.
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