Are you going for USX or DSX here? Just asking because I don’t see much of the ‘rest’ stroke happening. You may want to try this on the B string just to be sure. Rest stroke isn’t required or anything but it can help indicate the trajectory
You no longer looks like you’re stringhopping, but it’s still sort of a low speed to determine just how efficient this will be. Do you feel like you can’t go faster than that with this setup? Also, you may want to try this with some amp volume just so you can get a good sense of the attack. An electric with no volume doesn’t respond the same way as it would in a realistic situation and you might work harder than you need to just to get volume. Not that you need to pick lightly or anything, but you get the idea.
How does this feel? I’m not sure it’s the ‘right’ motion yet but it seems like an improvement over the bouncy stuff. I’d try going faster, with amp volume and see what happens. You may need to mess around with pick orientation too as it seems like it’s getting ‘stuck’ at times. When this is done correctly, it will have very smooth feel.
Lastly, I have great intentions but I’m not always right. Have you tried submitting an ‘official’ technique critique? It’s included in the price of your membership. You’ll get guaranteed, detailed feedback from Troy or Tommo and they’re sure to steer you in the right direction.